Apr 302010
I was in the shower. You were leaning against the vanity with your arms crossed. You were wearing a grey sweatshirt and jeans, maybe basketball shorts, I can’t remember. I’m just sure of the sweatshirt.
I was ripping you a new one while shaving my legs.  My right leg was perched on the edge of the shower. I was in a rush to go meet K.  I was blaming you for he and I even being together. I was hateful to you.
You came over and sat on the toilet seat. Your elbows found your knees.  Your head found your hands. I got out of the shower. I wrapped a towel around myself. I hadn’t dried off, though.  My hair was wet, and the whole room was so cold to me. I forced my way into your lap, wrapped myself around you and kissed those horrible things away. I kissed your face. God, your face, your eyes.
I can suck all of your pain away with my lips. Every time I think of you, it always goes back to the same thing. I want to kiss your face. I want to lay you down and touch your face and love you, touch your eyelids with my lips, put my face in your neck and hold you tightly.
Would you sleep like that?
With your head against my breasts, my arms around you, my legs around yours?
I’m rambling.
I can remember standing there, looking at where I could see this almost taking place. I chastise myself for wasting time. I’m always late. I asked him again that day if he’d been reading you.
I used to only imagine suffering for you, at your hands.
At some point that changed.
I don’t know why. Now, my focus is more actively loving you. I don’t know if you’ve led a life where you need things in your past sucked out and stomped to death, but I do. How wonderful if one person could eat those things and they could never touch me again. I would do that for you. I think that’s what love is, in an odd way.
I play with the thought of love with others, but deep love, suffering love, is amazing. What I’ve felt of it.
I am going to meet you one day, I hope.
I would love to suffer for you.
I wanted you to have this last night.
I didn’t want you to go to bed without hearing from me.
Apr 262010


I would rather live my entire life wrapped around you, feeding you, loving you, embracing you and licking at your old scars until they fade …rather than to live one more day battling myself and what it is that’s inside me, longing to to be ripped from my soul.

I know you can go to battle for me and win, not only this battle to make me surrender, but every hint of war there has ever been inside me. I trust you to do that. I trust you.

It’s deeper than the surrender, the moments after which I speak of, that I believe makes you unique. You don’t stop with a surrender. I don’t want to stop after. I love the concern for and the desire to continue taking and giving after the tears and the pain and the horror of the sins we’ve committed have long been brought to light and the atonement we can only seek from each other has been granted without question, from that first wordless moment.

An angel, no, but I will be your Monster, if you will be mine.

Apr 252010


For me, it was the unforgiving scratch of the tip of his blade as it traced over my skin. My body caved, opposed to thrusting towards that unrelenting sting. He held me even more tightly as he scratched deeper with the blade.

There would be no escape for me. I’m sure he got some sort of sadistic pleasure out of that, as normally I would have loved a struggle, to pull away from him, whining and whimpering about how it hurt …but given the way he’d positioned us and was holding me…

…I’m sure he’d thought of that.

Apr 072010

How To Wash An Angel by Dreamwalker

I wrote mine first. :)

  1. Take your love and tint it with sandalwood, and lather your own body until you are soapy and warm to the perfect temperature. Then drape yourself around The Beast as tightly as you possibly can… because he will try to shake you free.
  2. Generously caress The Beast with your love, using your own body, every inch, lather building and suds rolling off of his, even when he looks away. Hold strong to him.
  3. Allow him to take you and use you as he desires and seek only to cleanse his soul with what you are.
  4. The water and the tears will rinse you both. Your smile and the look in your eyes will tell him Who You Are.
  5. For him, there is redemption in your touch, just as his hand ’round your throat delivers you from every evil you hath sought. Do not let loose your plight, only love him and allow him everything that is you.