I always knew I was kinky. I just didn’t know that there was a word for it.
When I was 23, I stumbled into ‘the lifestyle’ and had some limited experiences here and there. I met my husband (TH – TwitterSpeak for TheHusband) in 2004 and we were married in 2005. During that time, anything kinky or otherwise – we were doing with each other. My life was going through some major shifts and changes and BDSM took a back burner.
Years later, things settled and the fact that BDSM & D/s was a huge issue in my life came back to our attention. We tried it together, and the chemistry just was NOT there.
We tried it again.
AGAIN.
It was really kind of heartbreaking not to have this type of connection, and as strongly as you’d hoped, with your own husband, yanno?
He wasn’t thrilled about it, but for D/s purposes, my happiness, and our happiness together as a couple, he agreed to let me have an outside Dom. I was able to play. I was able to connect. It was a huge start.
Now things have progressed – SLOWLY.
Anyone who knows…. KNOWS.
We have our OWN way of doing things and it works for US.
The bottom line is this… I am an adult who has commitments.
My needs for D/s, S&M, etc has nothing to do with how much I love my husband.
I am not getting a divorce.
I do not have to share details of my family life with you.
I don’t mind answering any questions that you might have, because everyone has a right to know what they’re getting into, both emotionally and physically.
You have no authority over my family life.
However, if we were to become involved, any rules that you’ve set in place for me when we are apart will be followed to the best of my ability. Work with me?
Family life over-rules everything. I need someone who is mature enough to understand that families have different levels of crisis a day. Anything from having to run last minute errands and doctor’s appointments to keeping a friend’s kid while they do the same thing. Before we are Doms, subs, switches, etc… we are people. We are Dads, Moms, kids, Grandparents, Aunts, Uncles, and Friends. We are important to other people as well. My immediate family has to have me when they have to have me.
I will never argue this with you.
I don’t believe I should ever have to. The type of person who gets me and my time will understand that it’s a valuable commodity, just as I will do with them. Every second counts. Every minute is precious. I will make time for you. I will be there.
If you want something badly enough, you make it happen.
All that being said –
When I’m yours, I’m yours and you know exactly what you get.
You’ll also be damn lucky to get it.
~TheSinDoll
I think that’s actually a really appropriate and healthy response; it is wonderful that your husband is so open-minded about it as well! For so many people, not clicking in one way or another kills what could be an amazing partnership. Cheers to you!
Thank you for the kind words. I wanted to be open and honest about my relationship so I just put it all out there…
WOW. We are going through some of the very, exactly, word for word, same stuff in our journey to discovery. We keep trying and trying and trying the D/s thing together and it keeps not really working. We have come to a dynamic that really does work for us, but it leaves much unexplored for us both.
I love that your husband is open enough to allow you that separate exploration and that you so clearly put your family, marriage and husband first with that freedom. I hope you find someone who meets all those needs and who will happily work within your parameters.