Oct 262014

I lost my virginity when I was in my mid-teens. SGirl and I had a lot of friends. We traveled from one group to another. Different groups, different schools, different ages, we were in it. We were there. We did a significant amount of socializing, drinking, and hot-boxing in bathrooms. We were stupid teenagers. Best friends, but fuck, were we stupid.

We both decided that our virginity was not a gift. It was a pain in the ass. We had ignorant discussions about thoughts that terrified us. Most of what we knew about sex came from high school gossip.

“My fucking hymen is going rip, and I’d bleed everywhere. He’s gonna be disgusted and tell all of his friends. Blood will be all over his dick, and me, and wherever we’re fucking. I mean, I think it’s heavy period blood. “

“How long till you stop bleeding?”

“I don’t know.”

“That’s disgusting.”

“You think that’s disgusting, he’ll never want to see you again.”

“We’ve got to find somebody to fuck.”

“But don’t tell them we’re virgins.”

“That’s the plan.”

We stole a box of rainbow condoms and Rice Krispy Treats from a grocery store. We were ready.

We decided that we’d pick a random guy and have sex with him. Do the “one night stand” thing and never have to see the guy again. That would do away with any messy business when we found someone we wanted to date and start fucking. We’d be knowledgeable and experienced by then.

I lost my virginity to Vince. He was a friend of a guy that we started hanging with. The guy looked like he was carved from stone. But his head was full of rocks. I’m fairly positive he was over 21, considering he purchased alcohol with no problem. Alcohol wasn’t the problem the night that SGirl and I decided to go ahead with the plan and get our fucks out of the way. I wanted to be sober. I needed to maneuver through the best I could. Probably, it would have been a better experience had I been passed out cold.

After a full make-out session, and trying multiple times to line it up and go in for the kill, we both had to sit back and have a come-to-Jesus meeting about how his cock is just NOT fitting inside me. No wonder, it was the size of a soda can. At that age, I didn’t know they were made that thick. He would not fit inside of me. Although we tried another dozen times, with no lube. We basically tortured my virginity out of me. Mostly, because I didn’t understand my own vagina. Thanks Mom!

Note to all you virgins out there, who are just trying to kick one out, don’t do it with a guy whose dick is that big. Losing my maidenhood landed me in the emergency room, hemorrhaging. Although my best friend and I still laugh about it today. It was the most embarrassing thing in the word, then.

Wicked Wednesday

Dec 202013

Kinkly.com rated me number 34 in their Top 100 Sex Blogging Superheroes of 2013 list. Rori from Between Me Sheets also does an annual list of Top 100 Sex Bloggers of 2013. I was lucky enough to receive a spot at number 34 on that list as well. Beck from Beck and Her Kinks put together her list of Top 25 Sex Bloggers of 2013. I was number four.

A huge ‘thank you’ goes out to Kinkly, Rori, and Beck. There’s tons of great bloggers out there. It’s an honor to see my name up there with people that I’ve read and on levels that I’ve aspired to be on. If my readers, new or old, did not like what I put out then I wouldn’t get enough attention to be noticed by anyone. I appreciate my readers.

I have put out some pieces this year that I’ve’ve been proud of and plan to continue  on and see where it takes us into next year. I don’t have anything to jump off with. Life’s been throwing boulders at my immediate and extended family since October. I’m sure everyone knows how serious issues can rattle people to the core. When things calm down in my personal life, I’ll start rolling again. Trust me.

Until Then,

The SinDoll

Apr 092013

I lied about my first kiss. I always told people that my second kiss was really my first kiss. That’s not the way it went down. Now, since I’m a slut, I’ll tell you that I kissed him. That first boy. I took his lips. I liked him and he liked me. He lusted after me for the rest of that afternoon. You could tell. When the attention gets …uncomfortable.

He told his mother …like a pussy. And she made me feel dirty. Standing behind me that next day at school. Talking  with our teacher about closet situations, and monitoring students more closely. Of course I heard. Him. Hanging his head. Shame holding it down, but his face was fired-up red in a much different way than it was after I’d kissed him. Stupid pussy. And Fuck You, old bitch. I took it. Nothing you can say about me will ever get it back for him. And he liked it. He still likes it. And you just made sure that he’ll never get another one for a while. Oh, he’ll love you for that.

The next year, he was just someone I remembered.

I was walking outside to Spanish one day. It was sunny, not hot. A random girl tapped me on my shoulder and moused me aside of the students lazily making their way into the room. She liked that first boy of mine.  She asked me about him. I gave a half-assed laugh and told her not to go kissing him.

He tells his Mother everything.




Jan 142013

When I was young, I thought dogs were boys and cats were girls.

I thought that if I wasn’t at church on Sunday morning to sing with the Little Lambs Choir, then they wouldn’t sing without me.

I disliked mayonnaise, so I told people I was allergic.

I figured that since most people are allergic to two things, I’d need to choose another.

I picked turtles.

I refused to wear my hair in a ponytail because no one could center it perfectly in the back of my head. So it grew in long, big, black curls. I’m from Alabama. My Father used to say that he could tell where I’d been playing outside by what was in my hair.

My Mother told me that my dog went away on a ship.

I killed a snake when I was in Kindergarten – on our playground.

I used to pretend that I worked at McDonalds.

As a flower girl, I ruined my cousin’s wedding by trying to wake my sleeping brother the entire time. We’ve never been close.

Wicked Wednesday... be inspired & share...

Feb 162012

D1 is in quarantine with the flu. Out until Monday. Upstairs in her room; she texts or calls and I come running. I reminds me of that movie with the two old sisters and one had the broken legs and the bell.

Well,  tonight I had to be somewhere at 6:00. I left a little after 5 with TH and D2 had chores to do. When we got home, she hadn’t done anything. When I asked her why, she just made something up that didn’t have to do with anything. I took her phone and iTouch and immediately she finished the chores but cried the entire time. When I told her she could skip school tomorrow and she FREAKED OUT! “Don’t you know how much can happen in a day”!?

Um… obviously, I’d forgotten… then I remember that her grades are good so I’m not going to try to firebomb her social life.

I apologized and the night has progressed well.

I’m going to have an entire day free tomorrow. I’d love to work on the garage, but the dogs will not let me. Pains in the ass.

I think I’d fuck somebody if they’d come over and clean out my garage the way I want it.

Let me explain about my garage. My S-I-L LOVES garage sales. Serious. Addiction. I can have a garage sale and make anywhere from $100-$400, and that’s good money! Once you do it a few times, that cash becomes addicting, especially to her. Anyway, I tried to run the car through the garage door (that’s a whole other story) so it’s been broken. SIL & I have been taking advantage of that and PACKING it with garage sale stuff. On top of that, my Grandmother (so fancy… just, fancy) sent over live, two bed-fulls of clothes (probably 100 items). We have a round rack and two tables in there, a straight rack and a table that runs the length of the garage. ALL of that is packed with stuff on top on stuff.

We have got some major sorting out to do, and it’s not going to be fun.

Oct 092011
I took a break from everything for a while. Actually, a break took me. I’m in a place where I’m learning more about myself, the person I’m becoming, wanting to becoming. TH calls this process “growing up” – novel idea, right? I’ll be 33 in December. It’s really about time for me to figure out what the fuck is going on, but during these 33 years it seems as if not many of them have been lived expressly for me, and I’m honest and selfish enough to have needed / still sometimes need that time.
You grow up and become a better person, or at least some people do. I’m going to. Stop with people who aren’t good for you, take advantage of you. Lose the friends who just want to party with you and learn to put other things first. Learn to love what needs to be nourished and not what wants attention. I’m on that path. I stumble like fuck. Just last night I let my temper get the best of me and ripped a bad person a new asshole. I don’t want to be a spitter and a cusser anymore. I want to have that cooler head that I’ve (here lately) been training on. Just goes to show you that not everything changes overnight. I’m trying.
Jun 152011
I’m honest about what I want, but seriously.... 
I’m a girl and that might be different from day to day so *do* 
try to keep up.

Sometimes I’ll say shit like that just to see what you’ll do.

Don’t ignore me or I’ll lose it.

For reals – being ignored – Hard Limit.

If you let it slip, I let you slip.

I get in those moods.

I push.

I need to know that it’s there.

I need the consistency of that really raw, primal, sadistic ‘mine when you don’t want to be’ jama that’s not inside everybody. There seems to be a mysterious line between a Growl and a goddamn bug bite these days.

I need to feel it even when I can’t see it, and you can’t touch me. I need to feel it in that instant when you want me to, or when I know you’d want me to. I really need to be taught how to care about knowing better.

It’s in there.

What I’m asking for is some help in getting it out.

P.S. This is NOT a Test. These are the answers.

May 092011

I always knew I was kinky. I just didn’t know that there was a word for it.

When I was 23, I stumbled into ‘the lifestyle’ and had some limited experiences here and there. I met my husband (TH – TwitterSpeak for TheHusband) in 2004 and we were married in 2005. During that time, anything kinky or otherwise – we were doing with each other. My life was going through some major shifts and changes and BDSM took a back burner.

Years later, things settled and the fact that BDSM & D/s was a huge issue in my life came back to our attention. We tried it together, and the chemistry just was NOT there.

We tried it again.


It was really kind of heartbreaking not to have this type of connection, and as strongly as you’d hoped,  with your own husband, yanno?

He wasn’t thrilled about it, but for D/s purposes, my happiness, and our happiness together as a couple, he agreed to let me have an outside Dom. I was able to play. I was able to connect. It was a huge start.

Now things have progressed – SLOWLY.

Anyone who knows…. KNOWS.

We have our OWN way of doing things and it works for US.

The bottom line is this… I am an adult who has commitments.

My needs for D/s, S&M, etc has nothing to do with how much I love my husband.

I am not getting a divorce.

I do not have to share details of my family life with you.

I don’t mind answering any questions that you might have, because everyone has a right to know what they’re getting into, both emotionally and physically.

You have no authority over my family life.

However, if we were to become involved, any rules that you’ve set in place for me when we are apart will be followed to the best of my ability. Work with me?

Family life over-rules everything. I need someone who is mature enough to understand that families have different levels of crisis a day. Anything from having to run last minute errands and doctor’s appointments to keeping a friend’s kid while they do the same thing. Before we are Doms, subs, switches, etc… we are people. We are Dads, Moms, kids, Grandparents, Aunts, Uncles, and Friends. We are important to other people as well. My immediate family has to have me when they have to have me.

I will never argue this with you.

I don’t believe I should ever have to. The type of person who gets me and my time will understand that it’s a valuable commodity, just as I will do with them. Every second counts. Every minute is precious. I will make time for you. I will be there.

If you want something badly enough, you make it happen.

All that being said –

When I’m yours, I’m yours and you know exactly what you get.

You’ll also be damn lucky to get it.


Apr 302011

At the end of the day, don’t be unhappy. Don’t be left standing there with the sun setting and the chill of the approaching night reminding you of what you didn’t say or do.

No one is perfect. We all make mistakes, but if you never reach for anything, you won’t ever get anything that’s not ever dropped into your lap. Say what you will, but when you fight for something, want it,  and desire it… it makes getting it that much sweeter.

After all, who the hell ever got anything worth getting by playing it safe?