Oct 262014

I lost my virginity when I was in my mid-teens. SGirl and I had a lot of friends. We traveled from one group to another. Different groups, different schools, different ages, we were in it. We were there. We did a significant amount of socializing, drinking, and hot-boxing in bathrooms. We were stupid teenagers. Best friends, but fuck, were we stupid.

We both decided that our virginity was not a gift. It was a pain in the ass. We had ignorant discussions about thoughts that terrified us. Most of what we knew about sex came from high school gossip.

“My fucking hymen is going rip, and I’d bleed everywhere. He’s gonna be disgusted and tell all of his friends. Blood will be all over his dick, and me, and wherever we’re fucking. I mean, I think it’s heavy period blood. “

“How long till you stop bleeding?”

“I don’t know.”

“That’s disgusting.”

“You think that’s disgusting, he’ll never want to see you again.”

“We’ve got to find somebody to fuck.”

“But don’t tell them we’re virgins.”

“That’s the plan.”

We stole a box of rainbow condoms and Rice Krispy Treats from a grocery store. We were ready.

We decided that we’d pick a random guy and have sex with him. Do the “one night stand” thing and never have to see the guy again. That would do away with any messy business when we found someone we wanted to date and start fucking. We’d be knowledgeable and experienced by then.

I lost my virginity to Vince. He was a friend of a guy that we started hanging with. The guy looked like he was carved from stone. But his head was full of rocks. I’m fairly positive he was over 21, considering he purchased alcohol with no problem. Alcohol wasn’t the problem the night that SGirl and I decided to go ahead with the plan and get our fucks out of the way. I wanted to be sober. I needed to maneuver through the best I could. Probably, it would have been a better experience had I been passed out cold.

After a full make-out session, and trying multiple times to line it up and go in for the kill, we both had to sit back and have a come-to-Jesus meeting about how his cock is just NOT fitting inside me. No wonder, it was the size of a soda can. At that age, I didn’t know they were made that thick. He would not fit inside of me. Although we tried another dozen times, with no lube. We basically tortured my virginity out of me. Mostly, because I didn’t understand my own vagina. Thanks Mom!

Note to all you virgins out there, who are just trying to kick one out, don’t do it with a guy whose dick is that big. Losing my maidenhood landed me in the emergency room, hemorrhaging. Although my best friend and I still laugh about it today. It was the most embarrassing thing in the word, then.

Wicked Wednesday

Aug 202013

The Men of TMI Tuesday

Questions for this week’s TMI Tuesday were submitted by various TMI Tuesday male participants.


1. Advizor: http://advizortoall.blogspot.com
I once overheard in a bathroom, “There is nothing as over-rated as sex or under-rated as a good bowel movement.” Discuss.

I think of those fake noises that those girls make. You know they’re not into it and they’re just getting a hole banged. I also thought of this kid was voted off of a dance show once. She had major sex appeal. She always had a partner, and yes, she technically danced with him, but he was was more of a prop for her. She made less eye-contact with him than she did the audience. She should have connected with her partner and danced with him, not around him.

When we’re alone, my best friend and I aren’t girly about bowel movements. We say “I’ve gotta take a shit,” or “I’ve got a brew going.” Sometimes, even “I’m gonna have to find a DG.” All of which represent a different level of having to take a dump, which we say, too. All of which have come from our experiences from almost 30 years. Any of which, if I told you about, you wouldn’t think either one of us were normal human beings. ;) BUT! We both feel comfortable shitting at each other’s homes. We leave the door open and have conversations. You would think this would be a private thing. I don’t even do this with my husband.

Now I just told the whole fucking internet about it. *shrugs*

2. the late phoenix: http://thelatephoenix.blogspot.com/
Friendship lasts longer than cumming. which of your online friends that you’ve never met would you like to meet in real life? which do you think you could become life-long REAL friends with? Actual friends, like going out to coffee and movies with, gossiping with, kissing on the forehead, hugging, loving.

Beck, for sure. I’ve known her the longest and we;ve built some trust there. There’s also a handful of new bloggers that I could really see just kicking back and chilling out with. I’ll be honest when I say that I should be more in tough with them on twitter, but life has been busy. I do, though, spend a little time on their blogs.

3. John D Stories: http://www.johndstories.co.uk/
In a parallel universe, who out of your blog or Twitter followers would you most like to spend a steamy evening with? What would you do? Why them?

Probably Mark. Just to see if anything was really there.

4. Virtual Sin: http://virtualsin.wordpress.com/
(multi-part question)
a. What method of stimulation (intercourse, oral, manual, toy, whatever) gives you the strongest orgasm?

Starting with oral for me, oral for him, fucking – using a toy and fingering on and off

b. With what method of stimulation do you get the most orgasms?


c. If the answer to a is different from the answer to b, what’s wrong with your life?

5. Jon Pressick: http://sex-in-words.blogspot.com
Would you rather have a life where you only had sex once a year for 2 minutes or where you have to have sex, every day for a minimum of 2 hours?

Every day – 2 hours. I’m assuming that you will be providing  those hours, as I do not have time in my daily schedule to accommodate this.

Nero: https://hersecretlibrary.wordpress.com
Is there anyone on your partner’s side of the family you find hot? 

Not in the least. One friend is kinda…

If you could hook up with them without anyone finding out (ever!) would you?



TMI Tuesday blog
Dec 222012

Pool table

I threw him a smile. I was new. He was the regular. I picked up a beer or two. He made no move to leave after last call.

Jonathon. I think his name was Jonathon.

He asked me if I played pool. I said that I didn’t. I did.

He said that he didn’t either. He did.

I took my shirt off. He pushed me into the table and went for my neck.

I think his name was Jonathon.

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